SHE CALLS ME DADDY

Psalm 127:3
"Children are a gift from the Lord."

I just finished a book my buddy Troy gave me entitled "She Calls Me Daddy" by Robert Wolgemuth. Great read!!  I highly encourage any dad out there who has a princess or princesses at home to get this book.  It is very practical, but also very humorous with many of the life stories that he passes on.

The meat of the book gives dads of daughters 7 things they really must know and own up to:

1.) Protection - Daughters will never gain a sense of security unless we as dads have it ourselves. We need to protect them physically and emotionally, in a way that allows them to learn how to grow without overdoing it and stifling growth.  I think the most important thing in this section is knowing that we need to be available to them always!  Little girls are always looking for a prince.  As a dad to a 3 yr old, I know that I am that prince and cherish that role.  But one day, that role will be passed on.  We need to make sure that until then, we know how to protect our daughters and make sure that they know they are looked after and feel protected.

2.) Conversation - Talk to your daughter at every stage of life.  Teaching her how to communicate when she is little will help later on in life with the communication pipeline.  Read to her, take her on errand runs with you, teach her to play verbal tennis (I loved this analogy!!), and look for special places and times to have daddy daughter time. I know that I don't do this enough with Lala. We have done some fun things together such as Disney Princesses on Ice, but I don't do it nearly enough.  My son, who is 5, is the one who is daddy's shadow and wants to go everywhere and do everything daddy does.  I need to learn to leave him home sometimes and take Lala with me to encourage that conversation and closeness.  But my Lala loves to talk and sing.  That's for sure!! :) 

3.) Affection - Know how to hold your daughter and know that touching is the key to her heart.  Touch her with hugs and kisses, but also touch her with words of affection.  Make sure that we know the difference in giving gifts to be generous vs genuine affection which is mostly spelled out with T-I-M-E.  I love to hug and kiss mine.  They are such a precious gift and every day is a gift given to teach them and love them and raise them up the way the Lord wants them to be raised.  Where I need to improve is affection with words.  I need to learn how to talk to Laura Grace when I am correcting her in a way that doesn't damper her spirit.  Not making an excuse of it at all, but being a coach for 9 years, that's a tough one for me.  I many times talk to her like I talk to Caden or talk to the boys and she is not emotionally built that way.  I have to learn how to say it in a better way and know that the Lord will help me with this.

4.) Discipline - Remember that good discipline involves the positive and the negative.  Teach that discipline is it's own reward.  But most important is to make sure our own life matches our words.  Kids are smart.  They observe everything.  Even the little ones know when you are genuine and when you are blowing smoke.  This is the toughest of the 7, hands down, I would say.  Discipline involves work.  There is no room or time to be lazy when it comes to discipline.  Inconsistent discipline leads to inconsistent behavior.  Plain and simple.  Communicate. Set boundaries/fences.  And hold the troops down inside those fences.  They jump a fence, they get roped back in.  Figure out what it takes to rope them back in.  But what we can never do is let them increase the size of the fences or sit and watch as they jump a fence and go, "Oh well.  They'll come back." That's never going to end well.  Be consistent and persevere.  My house is nowhere near perfect when it comes to discipline, but I know what my house looks like when I have been lazy with discipline and what it looks like when I am consistent with discipline.  Put in the work because the latter is a much nicer place to live. :)

5.) Laughter - Victor Borge says "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."  Be fun to live with and not a grump.  I battle this in my life many times.  I, sometimes, let the pressures of life suck out lots of my joy and that plays itself out in my house. Be able to laugh at yourself and have fun with your daughter.  Wrestle and tickle them, make them squeal, draw with them, play a game with them.  Have fun and enjoy them, especially when they are young, because they will be grown and gone before you can blink an eye. Laura Grace and I love to wrestle.  Many days I barely make it through the door before I hear and see a little blonde girl saying "Wrestle wif me daddy!!"  She also loves to read books.  She may not be able to read the book to you word for word, but she can tell you a story based on what she sees and thinks is happening. :)  I also love the fact that she is "Tomboyish."  She loves to be outside playing and she is not afraid of getting dirty, or touching fish, or riding a scooter down the hill 90 miles per hour.  She is what I would call my sweaty princess. LOL

6.) Faith - Love this quote by Daniel Sargent: "The great door sighs, then opens, and a child enters the church and kneels at the front pew.  The Maker of the Universe has smiled. He made the church for this one interview."  Makes me smile everytime I read it.  The faith of a child is a wonderful thing.  Our job as dads is to make sure that your faith is "normal."  Not something you just do on Sundays.  It's about who you are and how you live your life in front of her and others. Teach her how to pray and teach her how to hide His Word in her heart.  Train her up to be a Godly woman and one day she will have a moment where she will be there to teach you. Even at 3, Laura Grace is able memorize scripture and has even learned all the books of the New Testament.  We make sure that we always model our faith with her and the other two every night before we go to bed.  We read a story from their kids Bible, we have a memory verse each week, and we pray together.  I don't write this to brag and say look at us.  I write this because I want to be an encouragement to others.  We have not always done this at my house.  It really just began around December.  We should always live a life that is a model for them, but I highly encourage you to find a specific time with your kids each day to model your faith for them and with them.  Be intentional with teaching them the ways of the Lord.  I think there is not better or easier time than bedtime.  Read them a story, teach them a verse, and then pray together before bedtime.  There is no better time of the day for our family than bedtime.  :)

7.) Conduct - Make sure you set up fences so clear expectation are available for her.  Remember that conversation is still a big key.  Help her to know how to conduct herself in different situations such as adult gatherings vs fun gatherings.  Teach her how to respect authority which helps her to learn to respect herself.    Most important is to understand that you as dad set the bar with what's to be expected with conduct.  She wants a model that teaches her how to treat and respect people, and she will follow the model.  Model well!  Because my little girl is only 3, I am still in the early stages of this.  We do train ours up to have manners, but still have a long way to go.  I look forward to opportunities ahead to teach her.  I want to put my kids in situations that teach them how to act and react to different things.  Situations like taking them to the park to interact with other kids, public school will be a test of it's own, super fancy dinners where we meet new people, weddings, etc.  All of these will be good teaching opportunities.  Challenging but worth it!

So consider that your outline. :)  It has much more to offer throughout each section and really challenges every man with little girls to be a great daddy.  I think it starts with WANTING to be a great daddy before you can do what it takes to actually be one.  I pray that every dad out there will man up and be the dad that God has called us to be, so that our little girls will grow up knowing what to look for in a Godly man and never settle for less.  And as daddies, the best thing that we can do is Live Like Jesus!

http://www.transformerstochrist.blogspot.com/

CHARACTER

Romans 5:3-4 
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope. 

As a teacher of middle schoolers, one of the biggest things that I push as a teacher and as a coach is character.  As a collective group of coaches, we teach and tell our kids that the definition of character is:

Character: What you do when nobody else is looking.

I was reading something a little while back that actually added an addendum to this definition that I really love as well and have chosen to use it with our guys now.  It says:

Character:  What you do when nobody else is looking, but also what you stand for when people are.

I am seeing the generation of kids coming through now really having a tough time with understanding what character is and how it applies DAILY in our lives.  Many want to so badly be socially accepted that they are willing to abandon what's being taught at home, or abandon what they know is right, just to fit in to the crowd around them. What drives me even crazier is they seem to be drifiting further and further away from having an understanding of what it means to "respect authority" and "live responsibly."

Growing up, I remember my parents always prodding me with having manners. Yes mam, no mam, yes sir, no sir, please, thank you, you're welcome.  As a parent of 3 myself, I now look back at that and know that my parents were not just trying to instill manners in me, they were instilling character traits for the future.  They were teaching me how to respect them and others, so that I would one day "get it" and understand that the same "respectful fear" that I had for them was the same "respectful fear" that God wants us to have in our relationship with Him.  But here is what I am learning more and more.  Somebody has to teach them!  And if we don't take initiative right now and teach them what they need to learn, then they are going to...and many already have... learn it from somewhere else.  It really wrenches my heart with today's kids to know that many are learning what they learn from their tv, their music, their video games, their laptops, which gets them to the internet, which takes them to oh so many dangerous places that we don't want to and cannot even fathom. They don't seem to respect authority or choose to live responsibly now or later because the models that they see through the media aren't good choice makers either.  I will even say that I have noticed what we parents would consider the good channels (Disney, Nick, etc.) to have afternoon shows that portray authority figures (parents, principals, etc.) to be morons whom the kids blatantly disrespect every episode.  Kids will model what they see and today's media does not leave our kids with much good to be modeled.

Yet, I know that there is hope. I ran across the article at the bottom of this blog from Rick Warren who is the Pastor at Saddleback Church in California and also the author of "Purpose Driven Life."  We as parents need to take control over the character being instilled in our children by being the MODEL.  Not by teaching it, and preaching it, and beating it into our kids, or timing it out of them. :)  But by being daily, visible, consistent, real models for them to follow.  My oldest is 5 and he sings what I sing, he says what I say, and he goes to places talking about the things that I talk about.  He hears and soaks up every stinking word and thing that happens in life that he sees come out of the life of dad.  If as a father that doesn't motivate you, then WOW. 

But I believe the message also goes further.  As a Godly father to my children, I am responsible for teaching them, molding them, modeling for them, and helping guide them through life to find God's will in their life, and helping them get to a point where they have a chance to know the Lord personally.  I cannot make the decision for them, but I can and always will point them to the cross. 

God looks and says the same thing to us as adults.  He sent Jesus to this earth in order to teach us, to be a model for us, to be a guide for us, and ultimately be a sacfrifice for us.  There is no greater demonstration of love to be found anywhere else. John 3:16

So why do we not use the model given to us to be the model for others?  "Others" could especially be our own kids, could be the neighbors kids, could be the kids at the church.  Or maybe as adults, we could be the model to the newlyweds who have no idea what's coming, or the model to the friends that are struggling as parents, or even the model to the couple we know who are struggling with their marriage.  Why can we many times not take the model God gave us and let Him help us model for others? Some excuses many times used are laziness, apathy, fear, stubbornness, pride..... The list could go on. 
But I think a call to action is needed. 
If every parent decided right now to make a recommitment...... a recommitment that could go to many things and many places.  I think you first start with your relationship with the Lord.  If it's not where it needs to be, make a recommitment and get it right.  Then to your spouse.  Recommit and get it right.  To your kids.  Recommit and get it right. The list could extend to your church, your workplace, your friends, wherever.  Let God show you who/what/where you need to recommit to and get it right.

This world can use better parents and better models.  It will produce kids with better character who will utlimately become the better parents and models of the next generation. Don't wait, start now.
As you will see in Rick Warren's title below.  Character is not what you do, it's who you are.
I think a key point to be made is that I don't want people to know me as just a person with good character, but I want folks to know that the good character that comes out of me is because I want to live like Jesus.
That should be the focus and goal reached for daily!

(If the article below doesn't show up well on your screen, then just click the title below.)

Character: It's Who You Are, Not What You Do by Rick Warren

“It is in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for … part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.” Ephesians 1:11 (MSG) Our children need to know that the person they become is more important than what they do. Why? Because they won't take their career into heaven, but they will take their character. One of the greatest responsibilities a parent has is helping shape their children’s character. What we say and do, how we live our lives, models character to our children. But sitting down with our children and having conversations with them about their character is even more important. Our children need to know that the person they become is more important than what they do. We spend so many years preparing our children for their future careers when we should be preparing their character. Why? Because they won’t take their career into heaven, but they will take their character. The book of Philippians tells us, “In your lives you must think and act like Jesus Christ” (Philippians 2:5 NCV). When we do this we are preparing our character for eternity in heaven. So we need to teach our children that this life is preparation for the next. It’s the “get ready stage”.  Our time here on earth with its good times and challenging times is where we learn all of the lessons that grow us up in character to become more like Christ.  It’s the time that matures us spiritually so when we get to heaven we aren’t spiritual babies. We need to talk to our children and let them know life is not always easy, that they should expect to be tested. They will be tested every year of school. They will be tested when they get out of school. They will be tested in their career, their marriage, and in parenting their own children. Every situation they encounter in life, good or bad, will be a character-building opportunity. “Don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the other. With these qualities active and growing in your lives … no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus” (1 Peter 1:5-6 MSG). These are the qualities that make up godly character. Take those verses and have your children memorize them so they can begin to work on those areas in their lives for the rest of their lives. If they do, the Bible says they’ll become more like Jesus.

http://www.transformerstochrist.blogspot.com/

EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU JESUS?

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales convention in Chicago . They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner. In their rush, with tickets and briefcases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly-missed boarding ALL BUT ONE!!! He paused, took a deep breath, got in touch with his feelings, and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned.

He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor.

He was glad he did.

The 16-year-old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her; no one stopping and no one to care for her plight.

The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display. As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket.

When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, "Here, please take this $40 for the damage we did. Are you okay?" She nodded through her tears.. He continued on with, "I hope we didn't spoil your day too badly."

As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, "Mister...." He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes. She continued, "Are you Jesus?"

He stopped in mid-stride, and he wondered. Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: "Are you Jesus?" Do people mistake you for Jesus? That's our destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace.

If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would. Knowing Him is more than simply quoting Scripture and going to church. It's actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day.

You are the apple of His eye. Although, we all may have been bruised by a fall, He stopped what He was doing and picked us up . . . on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit.

Please share this. IF you feel led to do so, if not, that's ok too. Sometimes we just take things for granted, when we really need to be sharing what we know...Thanks.

Live Like Jesus!

HAVING A PLAN

Proverbs 19:21
Many plans are in a man's heart, but the Lord's decree will prevail.

Former UCLA basketball coach and legend John Wooden said this:
"Either you overcome adversity, or it overcomes you."

I believe that God wants to put us in the best possible position to be successful in glorifying Him in all we do.  But many times, we believe that it is important for us to have a gameplan and try to stick to that gameplan.  If the gameplan is our own plan of how life should be and turn out, then we shouldn't be surprised when that plan fails miserably. When we are set up to follow God's plan, then we are set to be able to withstand the crazy storms of life that we run up against.

My kids sing a song based on Matthew 7:24-27 which talks about the wise man who built his house upon the rock. It goes like this:  :)
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The wise man built his house upon the rock
The wise man built his house upon the rock
The wise man built his house upon the rock
And the rain came tumbling down

Oh, the rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
And the wise man's house stood firm.

The foolish man built his house upon the sand
The foolish man built his house upon the sand
The foolish man built his house upon the sand
And the rain came tumbling down

Oh, the rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
And the foolish man's house went "splat!" [clap hands once]

So, build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
And the blessings will come down

Oh, the blessings come down
As your prayers go up
The blessings come down
As your prayers go up
The blessings come down
As your prayer go up
So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ.

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We must always remember that God is sovereign and His plan is perfect. How we handle adversity is a reflection of what type of plan we truly believe in. When we believe in ourselves and our plans fail, we give in to the emotion and thought process that we are losers in life and we will never be able to amount to anything.  I would say that this is a true statement in the fact that without Christ, we are nothing.  But putting full faith and belief in His plan will allow Him to use us right where we are.  Does that mean that life will be perfect?  Absolutely not!! 

Look at James 1:2-4.  It tells us that we WILL face trials and that we should be excited when we do.  That sounds nuts doesn't it.  But what's awesome is that (read on) the reason the Lord puts us through trials is to grow us and mature us.  If you ever take a few moments to ponder your dumbest decisions in life, I bet you will realize that on the other end of the spectrum, there was definite growth involved.  In many cases pain was probably involved.  But hopefully, in the end, you are now in a place in life where you can look back and say: "That was pretty stupid, but I am a better person for having gone through that." I believe that God will even give you opportunities to share with others and help them avoid some of your same pitfalls.

So as you take a moment to reflect on your life today, who do you believe is in charge right now? Are you in the boat of thinking that you call the shots and your life is your life? Or do you understand that God uses all things for His good, which includes using your life for His plan? I pray that God will give all of us the wisdom to seek Him and be an instrument/tool to be used for Him daily.

Live like Jesus!

ACCOUNTABILITY

Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Have you ever had life beat you up or throw you curveballs and you felt like you were doing it all by yourself? God did not create us to do this life alone, yet so many times that's what we choose to do.  I believe that one of Satan's most destructive weapons is to take "secret sin" and use it to attempt to keep us in a box.  He will use it to utterly destroy a life and render it useless for Kingdom work if we allow his deception and lies to put a freeze on our growth in Christ.  So how does the Lord put a plan together for us that allows us to shield off this fiery weapon of Satan? I think one important element is.....

ACCOUNTABILITY

So what is accountability and what does it look like?  I don't know what the perfect setting looks like, but I will tell you what it looks like in my life.  I have 2 sets of accountability partners.  One set is a group of guys that I have been meeting with for a couple of years now.  We started as a group of guys meeting at McDonalds once a week and just having an opportunity to be open and honest with each other about what is going on in our lives.  I was amazed at how I many times felt that I was struggling with things in my life and I was the only one with those issues or problems.  As we met more and built a trust in each other, it took courage, but we were able to open up and be real and vulnerable with each other.  We were able to really bounce sound Godly advice off of each other and watch God work in each other's lives.  It was also very freeing to find out that we each struggled with different things, but we also had some of the same struggles.  It was very awesome to see God work through the goods and the bads in our lives.  For every struggle that we fought through together, we were also able to see God place miracles right in the middle of our lives.  Miracles in the forms of babies, and marriages, and books, and so many others.  Now please understand that our little group is not perfect.  We have been tested in the realm of meeting and time.  As time progressed and life changed for us all, morning meetings were becoming very difficult for all to attend.  So we went through a phase where a couple would meet and the meeting was very sporadic with no consistency.  We stayed in contact, but could tell that as a group we were drifting.  It was at this time that a couple of us ended up at a men's retreat that we work called Tres Dias.  We huddled up on Saturday evening and said a prayer for restoration of our group and decided that we needed to make a time change and commit and let God work.  We now meet on Monday nights as best we can.  We are really watching it evolve in front of our eyes in trying to not only meet and help each other as guys, but we are also trying to include our families and build family bonds as well.  This has been pretty cool.  It is still hard for us to all meet together with life as crazy as it is, but we all know how important it is to keep plugging away as best we can. God always blesses that time and I know we all leave better because of it.

My second group is a newly started group, but it too has been very awesome and very helpful.  This group is a group of 3 other guys that go to church with me.  God put it on my heart and the heart of others at a men's conference with Steve Farrar a short while ago, to get this group going so that we can begin to truly strengthen the relationship bonds within our church.  We meet pretty much every Saturday and it has been a true blessing.  This group is in the early stages of building that trust and openness with each other, but each passing week is drawing us closer together and allowing God to move in us and through us to share and do life together.  Again, I cannot stress how important it is in my life to have Godly men surround me and be able to get Godly counsel whenever needed.  It breaks my heart to see folks who live life trying to keep up the perfect image on the outside, but literally being eaten away daily on the inside.  If there is one thing we all need to get through our thick skulls, it is this......

There was only one perfect person to ever walk the face of this earth.
We will never be perfect, and the Christian life is not about being perfect.
But our focus in life IS to try to be more like Him every day!

If you have struggles in your life and you think that you are the only person with those particular struggles, know that you are being popped by one of the biggest lies of Satan.

1.)  God does not want us to be entrapped by the sin in our lives.  Ephesians 4:17-27 is great instruction on how God wants us to do life.

2.)  Please know that accountability should never ever become more important than that one on one growth time with the Lord.  We can never grow closer to Christ or live like Him if we put our faith in people.  Accountability is NOT about putting your faith in people.  It's about people putting their faith in God and wanting to help each other in the growth process of a life fully surrendered to Him.

My wife bought Mandisa's new cd entitled "What if we were real?"  WOW is all I can say.
The title of the cd is also the title of one of the best songs on this album.  I think it is the epitome of the thought process that goes on for all of us in life.
My favorite lines are towards the end of the song and leaves us with a great thought.

If we were more real with each other, would it help us to be more like Jesus?
(Song and lyrics below)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oixViCAIDDM

"What If We Were Real"

Well, I'm tired of saying everything
I feel like I'm supposed to say
I'm tired of smiling all the time
I wanna throw the mask away
Sometimes you just have a bad day
Sometimes you just wanna scream
Tell me I'm not the only one
Tell me that you feel just like me

We keep tryin to make it look so nice
And we keep hidin' what's goin on inside
But what if I share my brokenness
What if you share how you feel
And what if we weren't afraid of this crazy mess

What if we were real
What if we were real

I'm over hidin my tears
I think I'm gonna let em' go
I'm over actin so strong
When I ain't even in control
We make it so complicated
But why does it have to be
Why can't we open our hearts and let everybody see

We keep tryin to make it look so nice
And we keep hidin' what's goin on inside
But what if I share my brokenness
What if you share how you feel
And what if we weren't afraid of this crazy mess

What if we were real

We'd think a little less of ourselves
We'd care about someone else
'Cause we'd know just how they feel
Maybe we could let someone love us
Maybe we'd a little more like Jesus
Why can't we learn to real

Na,na,na,na,na,na,na(yeah,yeah)
Na,na,na,na,na,na,na


We keep tryin to make it look so nice
And we keep hidin' what's goin on inside
But what if I share my brokenness
What if you share how you feel
And what if we weren't afraid of this crazy mess

What if we were real

You've got to be real
You've got to be real
You've got to be real
You've got to
You've got to

TIME TO WRITE

I am so glad that I now have a spot to write, write, write!

I have another blog that I have used, and need to continue to use to document family life.
But the purpose of this page is to be able to document and reflect on things that the Lord is wanting me to learn and share.  I know that the Lord wants to use us and teach us on a daily basis.

I am so excited about this opportunity and anxious to see where the Lord takes it.

2 Corinthians 5:15
And He died for all so that those who live should no longer live for themselves, but for the One who died for them and was raised.